March 17th is an important day for my family – 4 years ago today, a judge declared that Aiyana was our daughter and that we were officially a forever family. I remember lots of moments from that day – the way Aiyana sat in my lap and buried her head in my chest for the whole proceeding, how we read the book “Welcome Home, Forever Child” on the way to the courthouse and my mom cried with joy in the front seat, how we wore dresses with matching heart cut-outs on the back, and how we celebrated with frozen yogurt or “i tweam” as it was then called. I also remember feeling the weight of the moment in the courtroom – we were really parents and her safety (both physical and emotional) was now up to us. In that first year together, every moment was focused on making Aiyana feel safe and secure, knowing that her development depended on it.

It can be hard to feel safe. As we are constantly bombarded with news of acts of violence and hate and witness the alarming effects of climate change, with grief and loss almost always being borne by the vulnerable and the innocent, physical safety can seem elusive, so we do our very best making the places and spaces we inhabit the safest we are able, knowing that there are some forces in the world that we cannot control. Emotional safety, however – we have power to ensure that for one another.

We can hold one another in love and support, we can make mistakes repairable, relationships sustainable, and give one another the assurance that there will always be more helpers than hurters, more in-cluders than ex-cluders, more resilience than hopelessness, and more love than fear.

The latest research in neurobiology, according to the Gottman Institute, shows that emotional safety is one of the most important aspects of a satisfying connection in a loving relationship. We need to feel safe before we’re able to be vulnerable, and as Brené Brown reminds us, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.” Emotional safety comes from within us. It is the “knowing” of what we’re feeling; the ability to be able to identify our feelings and then take the ultimate risk of feeling them. When our body and mind experience safety, our social engagement system enables us to collaborate, listen, empathize, and connect, as well as be creative, innovative, and bold in our thinking and ideas. Emotional safety enables us the freedom to dream, be wildly creative, share bold ideas, feel increased compassion, and express ourselves freely with one another.

It’s like a conversation while walking down the road with a friend, expressing your thoughts on a shared experience and feeling safe enough together to invite a stranger in, someone who comes to join you on your journey and through the walking, the conversation expands, and the stranger listens, and adds new thoughts and perspectives, and somewhere along the way becomes a friend. The two men invite this new friend in for supper, not wanting him to have to continue his journey alone, and in the invitation and the sharing of a meal, something magic happens. They realize that this new friend is Jesus – and how do they describe the realization? “Were not our hearts burning within us while he was talking to us?” It wasn’t the blessing he said over the meal, or the words he used while they walked, it was how he made them feel. You have probably heard the quote attributed to Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Jesus never told his friends that their thoughts, ideas, or feelings were wrong, he shared a different perspective, some new ideas, and was invited in to the conversation, and then invited to dinner. But it wasn’t his words or wisdom or even his acts that made him recognizable to the men, it was the way their hearts were moved.

We all unplug in different ways, some in the silence of Sangha, some in the loud euphoria of yesterday’s children’s ministry park play group. But we don’t just take time to unplug and leave ourselves dangling, we also connect. Some in joining voices to sing and some in joining hands to pray. We unplug, and then we choose where to plug back in to recharge. We walk along the road together, inviting in new ideas and new blessings. That is the kind of community we have to offer one another, one where we rename and claim our faith in different ways, but instead of that being something that breaks us, it is what makes our lives in faith emotionally safe. It’s what makes the United Church of Gainesville the wonderful, varied, “however known” place we all cherish. We say to each other, you don’t have to continue this journey alone, and in the sustained, ever-present invitation to conversation with each other, in the meals we share around tables together and across counters at Grace Marketplace, something magic happens. We become friends.

Later on today, you may not remember exactly what words India, Taylor, Brandon, and Pam used in their conversation, but I bet that you will remember something that you connected with, something that you related to, how one of them made you feel. Today, when you came to worship, I bet none of you thought: “today I am going to create an environment where people are emotionally safe.” You may not have thought it, but you did it. You created a place where four people on a journey can talk and be open and vulnerable with one another, create new relationships with one another, and with all of us. A place where every person I asked to participate in worship this morning said yes without reservation. Because of the compact we have with one another, we create a space of safety, where we can recognize each other, wholly and completely- and rejoice in our variety. UCG is a birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. We travel the journey together, continuing to invite conversation and blessings, and in our commitment to keeping each other safe, recognizing more clearly the presence of the God of many names.

Talia Raymond

3/17/2019